Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Being A Step-mom

Being A Step-mom...

Always remember, you get a new chance each day to make progress on step-family relationships!  No matter how many books you buy, there is an instruction book for step-moms.  Hang in there and do your best each day.  Don't quit, today could be the day you see all your hard work pay off!

One of my favorite titles!

It's no easy job!

Unlike the difficulty of being a mom, being a step-mom is more difficult!  I won't sugar coat my advice to anyone or say it's easy.  Being a step-mom comes with many more emotional roller coaster rides.  You risk being hurt and hurting your spouse and his children on a bad day.  Each person in a family is different and they relate differently to each other which is why individual and one-on-one bonding is very important.

Your hard work will make all the difference in the world !

What Dad needs to Know!

It is imperative that there is communication between Dad and the kids in front of Step-mom.  He needs to communicate your importance to the him and the entire family.  (If you have his, hers, and ours in your family, this must be done by both parents to their children.)  It's important that this information is not assumed with children, no matter what their age.  When Dad show his respect and love to step-mom, children will follow his lead in most cases.

When Mom is "in the picture"...

There are lucky blended families where all parents are involved and get along at least well enough "for the kids".  It goes without saying that this isn't always the case.  When Mom is involved, there may not be a positive relationship between parents, many problems can occur and reoccur frequently.

The most important thing to remember is that it is about the kids only!  I can probably relate to most of your stories with horror stories of my own.  It took me a while to accomplish peace in my heart on this very topic.  But when I finally stopped personalizing attacks and took a look at the big picture, my life became much easier!  When you do what you do for the kids, it's much easier to ignore attacks and deal with facts no matter how often they occur!

Last, but not least, never ever talk negatively about Mom in the presence of the children.  This is sinking to a lower level and will always come back to haunt you.  Even if the children come to you to vent, listen and give honest feedback on the situation itself.  But feed into the negativity of the conversation.  No matter what she has done or will do to her children, she will always be their mother.  Respect that fact!

Do yourself a favor and seek peace with their mother's existence in their lives...
set a good example for your kids!

It's worth it!

There are few greater feelings in life than when your step-child feel love and comfort from you.  And when those feelings grow into a regular thing, an absolutely beautiful relationship can blossom!  It takes a lot of patience and love.  You may be hurt regularly in the beginning.  Some days it downright stinks.  Even when you feel like quitting, don't you dare!  Persistence pays and you will reap a huge life-long reward!  It's worth it!

A step-mom's love is a choice and a blessing!

Love & Hugs,

Heather :)